I’ve always been hugely vocal about feeling your own sensuality more, living in it more, and transpiring that to the outside world, as much as you can. But as I’ve gotten older. I do realize that however much you get confident in your own skin, and own your sexuality - no one can be “switched on” every single moment of the time, it’s not possible, or feasible.
I know my makeup costs will go through the roof if I have to apply that to perfection every day, and quite possibly my mental health will take a massive dive. Knowing your own limits and being very attuned[ to your body and mind, is a skill that you can learn, and one that helps you in the most supportive way, because you will then handle life as much as your own limits allows you. Being in sweatpants, with no makeup and a hair tie, is for sure one of my most happiest of places. And life happens, hard at times.
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At the time of this post, it’s almost exactly two years since my life changed, and I had a huge health scare with a pulmonary embolism that lodged in my lung. It happened quickly, I was in pain, and the rest was a blur full of hospitals, doctors and a lot of emotions.
My body certainly went through the most the following months thereafter, at some point I fell into a depression, I didn’t know what was happening hormonally, and the twilight of the actual realization was wild.
This trip to Cape Town was as a plus-one to my partner who was shooting an elaborate six-day wedding, and for most of the time I was in bed, truly not in a great state.
I knew where my life’s trajectory was heading, and the start- and building of KittyKink was already on its way to amazing things, so much research- and development was already happening behind the scenes.
But my health was not yet good, and I was just not feeling myself, even being in one of my most favorite places on earth. I truly wanted a shoot in front of the iconic Table Mountain, but I look back at these images and remember that I felt physically and emotionally in pain.
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Even though I do feel very sexy at 41 currently, and I’m committed to it being the sexiest time of my life, I know that I’m not turned on into that state of being every second of the day. And that….is how it should be.
To sometimes just be at home in your most comfortable clothes, not feeling like you have to be a made up version is wonderful and relaxing, and perhaps even subconsciously very healing - but then the times when you’re in full glam, dressed to a T, wearing something that makes you feel great in fit, and owning that, is the other side of the coin which you can embrace as well.
You’ll have both feelings at times, sometimes all in one day.
With love,
Kitty
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